Knowledge is cheaper if your homeless
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Thought about it yesterday that my tuition is 38,000 dollars a year, its a 5 year school which means I am looking at 200 thousand dollars. With this money I could buy a home, or a backupsingers (Ill probably explain in a later post) or 5 escalades, or a half tank of gas for each one of those escalades. But hey, knowledge is power right. So I trekked down to the Boston library the other day where I found 5 homeless people sitting there reading (don't ask me how I knew they were homeless, your telling me you couldn't spot a homeless person?) One of them was reading some kidn of a philosphy book, no joke, my rediculous imagination couldn't even make this up. So I came to the conclusion that this homeless person, for the price of 0 dollars, is learning more than me. So the moral of the story is if your sick of school costs be homeless for a while, and you will get the education, just not the degree, the job, the respect, or any girls whatsoever. Oh yeah and you have to smell like urine.
What happened to the show Clone High? Why isn't it on tv? I swear the people at MTV are out to get me. In the same year they take Clone High and Doggy Fizzle off the year. If I had my own tv station I would bring back both of these shows, I would throw some family guy in there, and reserve the rest of the time for the girls on the spanish channel. If I could move anywhere, it would be spain, just based on what I see on the Spanish channel.
What is going on with Derek Lowe? Is this his every other year collapse, he has to be the most inconsisten pitcher from year to year in the history of baseball. And a little piece of me died when Johnny Damon shaved, biggest mistake of his career. You will see, its gonna backfire somehow, just wait.
Seinfeld spinoff, and some other things
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Now I know Jerry Seinfeld said at he end of his show there would be no spinoffs. That means you wouldn't see costanza, kramer, or elaine getting their own shows. I have heard a lot of love for Puddy on the topic of a spinoff, as well as J petermen. Now with all due respect to the previous characters, where is the outcry about the lack of Izzy Mandlebaum (In case you missed out on Izzy, he was in two episodes and lived in the same complex as Jerry's parents, he was about 80 years old, had a son about 60, and a dad about 95.) in there lives. Think about it, you could have all these great run ins between the Mandlebaums in famous people. The Mandlebaums could beat the Red Wings in hockey one week, then the next week Izzy could be boxing tyson, and while he did this his father and son could be participating in other singles event like golf or the tour de france.
If France didn't give us fries or toast, would we of saved it in ww2? And more importantly what have you done for me lately France? French toast and french fries are things of the past, and french onion soup can only get you by for so much longer, I expect a big food product out of you soon. I did some thinking about thing that was going on when the French chose to try and hold up the bombing of Iraq, and people stared calling french fries freedom fries. I gotta wonder if this freedom fry thing caught on anywhere. I think we should start calling our food products American (food name here). I think George Bush should have some kind of competition with Jaque Chirac for the naming rights to fries and toast, I could see George whoopin up on Chirac in a game of horseshoes.
Next time you see the Massachussettes click it or ticket commercial, the one with all the people making seatbelt wearing excuses, check out the guy who says, "I don't believe in a seat belt," I swear you will laugh for a solid ten minutes.
Gas prices are pretty high, chances are if you can find away to convert water into gasoline, you will be a billionaire, so work on that.
Never trust anyone who doesn't like all of the following movies
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There is a lot of ways to judge someone's personality. Psychologists have all these crazy things involving rorshach and what not. But I can tell you this much, if a person doesn't like the following movies he is most likely a communist, or an Iraqi spy and shouldn't be trusted.
1. Top Gun- Because the guy who played Goose seemed like he had no right being in the movie. Watch the volleyball scene, everyone is in great shape outside of Goose. He must of been a good friend of Tommy C in real life. That scene was like the movie eqivalent of the Chris Farley - Patrick Swazey dance off on SNL.
2. Great Outdoors - John Candy was the greatest overweight comedian of all time. (take that Chris Farley fans) Everyone likes this movie, and like I said if they don't, they are probably communist anyway so it doesn't matter. And I am supremely confident that Candy could really down that steak. How creepy was the guy that made him eat all the fat and grizzle? You could base an entire horror movie around that guy. It should of been Freddy vs. Jason vs. the creepy guy who made John Candy eat all the grizzle.
3. Blues Brothers- sticking with movies involving Akroid and Candy, this is the only musical a man should be comfortable watching. Blues Brothers 2000 however should of never existed, it was a stupid idea, probably by a communist who thought they could improve on the first, they were better off doing a spinoff on Matt Guitr Murphy.
4. A Bronx Tale- The Sonny test works,the Mario test is different and i dont have it in me to try it.
5. The Warriors- "Warriors, come out and playyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy" This made being in a gang seem cool. Just cuz you could theme your gang, now all you have is gangs picking colors. Back in Warrior times you had the baseball bat gang, the mimes, and my personal favorite, the orphans.
So there you have it, if someone tells you that these movies are no good, don't trust them.
gonna do some random rambling
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-Saw on the news tonight that the bloods and the crypts, had a meeting in Newark, NJ, and made a truce. Does this bother anyone? So you have the leaders of the two biggest gangs in America together and you choose to let them speak. No one says, "Hey maybe we should arrest these guys." And worse they made a truce, its said the will cease fire, I wouldn't be fooled by this, that's like saying a peace treaty between Palestine and Israel, or the warriors and the orphans.
-A clown in the Ringling brothers circus got arrested for child pornography,Ill let you come up with a joke for that one.
-I often run into political groups doing some serious preaching on campus who are out trying to get the message out, usually pushing for small time candidates for the presidency, and the occasional republicans or democrats working on there grassroots campaigning. Today I ran into 6 people pushing for communism, you read that right, COMMUNISM. Do people outside of China still think this is a good idea? I mean I can understand a lot of political views, and how they could work, but do any of these people out there think that by lobbying communism is going to catch on. Did they miss the whole cold war thing or did they just really like Drago in Rocky 4? But even if you really feel that strongly about communism wouldn't you just say, "hey, America took a long look at communism, it didn't work, maybe I'll hop on the next flight to China."
- Here's my person who should be in jail for and not playing sports award for the month. No it's not Jayson Williams, Rasheed Wallace, or even O.J., but instead Leonard Little of the St. Louis Rams. The guy was drunk driving, blew a stop light and hit a car killing a St. Louis mother, then recently got pulled over again for drunk driving, but he will play next season for the Rams. Which brings me to this, if I was a pro athlete, I would at least commit cool crimes, can't think of any right now, but if I do I'll let you know.
- I'm voting the show Most Extreme Challenge as most entertaining show of the year for a college student, edging out Chappelle show. Chappelle remains as the Bridesmaid once again, as he got beat out last year by DoggyFizzle televizzle which has mysteriously disappeared from the air. If I had an awards show I would give this show its award, and instead of those dumb moon mans they give out on mtv, or that weird grammy thing I would go with the basic paper certificate saying you won like the things from middle school, or if I could get myself a whole bunch of Heisman trophy I guess I would have to give them out.
- Remember going in the bathroom in high school or middle school, and there was always these lists on the stalls with like the top ten girls in each grade listed, (do girls have these things, I doubt it,but if you did let me know) because some kid was sitting there like, I got nothing to read so I might as well make up this ridiculous list. So you would look at it, and you knew who wrote the list right away. You would see names of all these hot girls, and then some girl would be on the list at like number four who wouldn't make the top 50, or worse yet you didn't even know who she was, so it was a safe assumption that if you could figure out who the person was dating, that they made the list. I always wanted to call the person out and be like "so you think Sue is number four huh, I got news for ya buddy she doesn't crack my top ten list of girls named sue."
- Continuing the subject on girls I need to get some feedback on Rachel Ray, the girl form food network. I have been hearing some anti remarks of late and I just don't get it. She's hot, and she can cook up a meal like you wouldn't believe. Is there anything about this that could possibly be bad? I mean if you would like to email me orgive me some reasoning on why not to like her I will gladly post it and debate it.
-Did anyone watch the road rules\real world inferno? (ya I watched it, I have a girlfriend so I got an excuse)Did anyone else get to see how awesomely competitive these people got. It had all the makings of a great sports drama, was even better than the Lakers saga. You had people throwing games, all kinds of team dissention, and a situation where a member of the real world actually attempted to kill a road ruler. And then in the end out of nowhere this girl Katy, who went to the inferno what seemed like 12 teams and won everytime, pulls out the win with her team.
-The MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES SUCK, there I said it. KG can't carry a team, spreewell is overrated, and Cassell is the winner of the most likely to come from another planet award for the 30th consecutive year. The two teams in the east are better than the twolves. The Eastern Conference which has been regarded as a farm system for the west for the past few years has hada better playoffs than the west.
-I finally found a fun crime, gambling (in the states where its illegal) gotta love Pete Rose.
Mr. Mingoele taught me about music for a year in 8th grade, making me an expert
Worst 2 songs of the month
rubber band man - Rubber band man, is this some kind of a joke. I can not believe this song is on the radio. Are rappers running out of ideas? Did David Banner just look at a Rubber Band and be like someone grab me a pen, some paper, I got an idea, this rubber band can stand for struggle. And to say he is wild as the Taliban, this probably isn't the best idea. If Kevin Garnett has to take crap for talking about a game as a war, then this guy should have to hear a whole lot of anger for comparing himself to the Taliban. If he really is wild as the Taliban like he says he is, shouldn't he be incarcerated? Would anyone be opposed to permanently taking this song off the air? And what record exec, sat there and thought, this Rubber Band thing could be big, we can't ,miss out on signing the rubber band man?
Game Over - Flip, Flip, Flip, Game Over. Flip, Flip, Flip, Game over. Mr. Flip must of graduated from Harvard. This could be actually nominated for worst song ever. The only thing it has any relevance to is the game flip cup, and something tells me that wasn't his intentions, but then again, what were his intentions?I am pretty excited to see if El Flip's career takes off from here, I see a big follow up deal with him involving, "Cup, Cup, Cup, Consolidate." I really do hope BigFlip's career takes off because of this, but something tells me his career is probably got lord tariq and peter gunnz written all over it. (I'm really not sure if these guys are gone from the industry, but my best guess is that they have to be.) Flip, Flip, Flip, Career Over.
Best Two songs of the month
David Lee Murphy - Loco - Gotta love any song that involves tequila, Key West, Tiki Torches, and partying. Does anyone dislike these four things, didn't think so, listen to the song or I'm coming over.
Brad Paisley - I'm gonna miss her- A guy chooses his going fishing over his wife. This is like the story of Homer Simpson in musical form, 'nuff said.
Honorable Mention for both best and worst categories at the same time-
Mase - Welcome Back - The dollar sign is back baby, and who isn't happy about this. Come on, the horse and carriage man went to church for a month, now he's back, you have to be excited. He is the only man I know who has made it in the music business with no skill what so ever. terrible voice, and is a rapper, yet he raps slower than you would have a normal conversation. This is and underdog story and a half. Instead of Miracle: the story of the 1980 U.S. olympic hockey team, it should of been, Miracle: the story of the rapper who couldn't rap, but was friends with notorious B.I.G.
Buffett Song of the month - Mr. Spaceman - Features Gonzo. (ya that gonzo, and I'm not joking)
And lastly speaking of music I got Fraggle Rock as my ringtone yesterday, how awesome is that.
Good ole Dr. Atkins
Here's one for all you Atkins dieters in case you missed out on this tid bit of the atkins diet, the guy died of heart failure. That's right this supposed health machine died because lack of health, and you think that the guy is gonna solve your heft issues. Any diet where Beef Jerky is an acceptable snack can not be good for you. This low carb thing is getting dumb, when you are sacrificing your typical Budweiser for an ultra or an aspen, your in to this atkins thign to deep. Having a low carb beer is like saying you don't really wanna be healthy but you guess you will give it a shot, try this one, just don't drink or get back on the carb train. Here's a solution for all you low carb crazies, go for a run, go for a walk, do the hokey pokey for an hour I don't really care but if this low carb thing wipes out businesses like krispy kreme who serve quality foods that happen to be blatant carbs then people are gonna start hearing from me in high carb fashion. That's it for me, gotta go have a huge bowl of pasta with some fresh bread followed by a huge piece of cake.
quote of the week "if we weren't all crazy we would all go insane"
Red Sox nation
I am a proud member of Red Sox nation, not afraid to admit it despite the whole 1918 thing, but here's a few words of wisdom for fellow sox nation members. 1. Do not listen to Ben Affleck, the guy tries, but he sucks. He attempts to be the voice of Red Sox nation with his ridiculous rants that some how get airtime, you want the voice of Red Sox nation check out Bill Simmons on espn.com, the guy knows what he's talking about when it comes to being a sox fan. 2. As a sox fan you can be as miserable or optimistic as you want, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, you are connected to 86 years of failure, irrational thoughts are more than acceptable. 3. It doesn't matter if they win 100 world series, the Yankees still suck as long as steinbrenner is at the helm and they wear pinstripes, it may be irrational, but refer to number 2 on that one. 3. Selective hearing is ok, you don't have to listen to a Yankees fans when they mutter phrases like "1918," "Buckner," "Boone," or, "could you pleasedo something about the beer you just spilled all over my new arod jersey." And lastly 4. This thing is bigger than Balboa vs. Drago, therefore pretty much anything goes, don't feel bad wearing a shirt that says gayrod or Yankees suck, its a justified showing of contempt toward the evil empire.
Why a web page
Was sitting around, realized I like to write, so figured a web page was in order. By no means am I a journalist, or a computer guy so bear with me. I'll probably throw random articles in here involving subjects ranging from Larry Bird to MacDonald's commercials. And off to the Macdonald's commercials, while I already brought it up, Who is Writing for these people. If my web page isn't as entertaining as these recent commercials, let me know I will quit it. Have you seen this one with the girls at some kind of a baby shower and they need to get a hold of some Macdonalds, they sing this terrible song that sounds like it came right out of the mouth of a kindergarten student during a recital. This is disappointing stuff from the people who brought us mayor mccheese and the hamburglar. I refuse to eat there until they step up the commercial quality, untill the do, I'm a Wendy's man.
