A few random thoguhts on a Thursday morning
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Anyone else been lucky enough to go to a website and be the 9,784,532,565,684,344,659,674th visitor and win a free cruise. Has anyone been fooled by this yet and thought they had won. I mean if your going to try and fool me to get me to click on this thing, at least give me a nice round number, like 10,000 at least it would be more believable that I could of won something.
I just checked and realized that John Kerry is still selling Kerry/Edwards merchandise, is anyone still buying this stuff thinking that throwback political wear is going to be big soon. Like 50 cent is going to show up in his next video rockin some Dukakis 88 sweatpants, a Dole 96 hoodie, and a Mondale 88 bumper sticker on his 2005 Escalade. The funniest thing is its not even like he has the crap on clearance, he's got it out there like he didn't lose. This is the worst case of denial I've seen since Jesse Spano's caffeine pill addiction (I'm so excited, I'm so excited, I'm so scared.) Do you think Michael Moore ever gets mail thats directed to Al Borland?
When did Snoop Dogg become this friendly lovable character? Wasn't he arrested for murder at one point, and isn't he a crypt? Now I like Snoop a loop as much as the next guy, but hasn't anyone noticed this as a strange transformation. I thought the wwf, or the actual show transformers were the only places where your image changes so quickly.
I think we should all put up a serious fight to save moustaches. They are a dieing breed and a beautiful thing. I have 2 uncles who have been hanging on to there 'staches for as long as I have known them, and I gotta say, any man with a stash is a better man than me. It seemed a few years ago we had a huge rage over the disappearing community of people who adorn mulletts, and I think we did a good job of saving the mullett right up untill the end of the NHL, the same things should be in order for moustaches, and if you don't think so your getting kicked outta my blog.
I'm in the midst of creating spyware for the blog, after seeing all these warning's I receive in pop ups about it, I think it would give the blog an all new edgier style, kind of like the blog meet Bon Jovi, or somewhere along those lines.
They are remaking Willy Wonka, this is an outrage. If it isn't broke don't fix it. Did these people miss Blues Brothers 2000. I'm really hoping we aren't going to hit the Puff Daddy stage in movies, where writers run out of good ideas, so they just remake the classics and have some guy wearing way more jewelry than any man should wear starts yelling we won't stop cuz we can't stop through the tv screen, but I do feel it coming.
Sorry bout that, just had a flashback from the mid 90's, was pretty horrible.
I swear someone told me they were making new episodes of family guy, but apparently they are on the rocky 6 plan.
Does anyone miss the MTV Rock n Jock basketball games? I thought these things were great, slap together a team of 1 NBA player not good enough to play in the real all star game, 1 athlete from another sport who has nothing better to do in the offseason, 3 celebrities who also happen to be pretty good athletes, 1 celebrity who is between the ages of 8-14, and 2 good looking female celebrities that don't get off the bench. I think if I had to slap together a team right now my lineup would look like this
sg Ron Artest-just because he's artest, fights usually ensue.
pf Will Ferrell- whooped p-diddy's marathon time, and yes I am aware I mentioned puffy twice in this blog, and no I am not happy I am giving the dollar sign's sidekick so much attention. But I think I would put Ferrell at the Power Forward postion.
c Bob Saget-Danny Tanner has some serious height, he made Uncle Joey look like a smurf, he's definately my center.
pg Mario Lopez- He's my point guard, there is no better athlete in the world than AC Slater, do you realize he never lost a wrestling match at bayside.
sf Mr. T- For 4 reasons- 1. To see his reaction when the official asks him to take off his jewelry while he plays. 2. To see Ron Artests reaction when he realizes his teammate is his lifelong hero, Clubber Lang. 3. Because he is Mr. T damn it. 4- To see the MTV ratings plummet when the viewers realize that Mr. T really is the star of the show.
6th man Chris Griffin - Yes I know he's a fictional character, but I need to fill the 8-12 year old catagory. It would make the show like one of those really strange early 80's movies where they combined real actors with cartoon characters, kinda like Mr. Limpet, would be a good time for everyone. How does MTV go from airing the rock n jock games 78 times a day to just completely getting rid of them.
I'm sick of parents and teachers telling an 8 year old kid they can be president, lets stop insulting the kid's intelligence, he's 8, the legal age requirement is like 40, how bout we gun for a little bit more realistic of a goal, like a free pizza courtesy of Book It at pizza hut for reading the Bernstein Bears Build a Treehouse.
If I were Santa Clause right now I'd be laughing my fat behind off at the Easter Bunny. The oversized rabbit has to hop around the entire world in one night with like 900,000,000 cadbury eggs and do it by foot. You know Santa is hanging out in a jaccuzzi in the North Pole with a miller light in his hand saying, "Don't be so cheap, spend the extra few bucks on a sleigh and some reign deer and maybe people won't look at you as such an amature. Oh ya, lose the eggs, they make you look fat."
Apparently there is an obesity epidemic in America, which has set off this huge health rage, which really hurts those of us that don't want to be healthy. I mean before if you wanted to be unhealthy, there were hoardes of other unhealthies like you, therefore you really were even with others when it came to dating, now the unhealthies have to contend with the healthies, and that's just not right. And Windsor Pilates can't work, figure I would throw this in there, you can't lose weight by makeing wierd creepy movements on a little piece of padding.
I guarantee if you go to a big enough school there is one kid who wears shorts everyday, not matter how cold. Where do these kids come from, there are 3 on my campus, I know exactly what they look like, see them all the time. It's like -8 degrees, and they are wearing shorts. Now from what I hear these people are everywear, there should be a list of these people made up like a sex offenders list, becuase these people have to be criminally insane.
The curse of Robert Parrish
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Happy Mardi Gras to all. Enjoy a nice New Orleans style Hurricane and put it on the Blog's tab, and catch the beads the blog is throwing. Tonight is Fat Tuesday, a really underrated holiday. I don't know what it is or even why it's celebrated, I googled it and still did't find the answer, so I'm just going to assume its a holiday celebrating all the great things that Uncle Jesse Consopolous has done for us. I can tell you this about Mardi Gras, alcohol plus beads equals fun.
Now on to the important stuff, the city of Boston is in trouble. Brighams has gallons and gallons of Reverse the curse ice cream with nothing to do with it. There are Break the Curse cookies sitting in some warehouse by the hundreds. The guys who change the reverse curve sign on storrow drive to reverse the curse are bored, and I think someone cryogenically froze Dan Shaughnessy because he has nothing to write about. Bostonians dont have reverse the curse T-shirts, books, movies, hats, band-aids, popsicle sticks, toothpicks, or cereal to waste there money on anymore, and they're looking for a new way to blow some coin (By the way, I wrote this whole thing just so I could write the words blow some coin and justify it.) Now there is a curse out there, and it is being ignored by legions of Boston sports fans who soon need to realize about the hauntings of Robert Parish.
If you look up curse and Robert Parish it will most likely lead you to the theory of some Golden State fans, who call the trading of the Chief, Chief's revenge. It is believed by some that when Parish left California he left a curse disallowing Golden State to ever win a playoff series. Well I will tell you where Parish left his real curse, here in Boston. Parish was the only member of the big three (Mchale, Bird, Parish) not to retire in a Celtic uniform. Now Parish wasn't exactly the perfect citizen, he was accused of beating his wife, and plead guilty to receiving 100 lbs of marijauna from fed ex. Which leads me to this, do you really want to mess with a guy who is receiving 100 pounds of weed in the mail, especially if the guy is 7 ft tall and is nicknamed Chief? Well when Robert left the Celtics he was so angry he placed a curse on the Celtics: The Celtics will be forever cursed with terrible players at the center position. And that's it. Now here is a list of Celtic Centers begginning in 94-95, the teams first year without Robert.
Eric Montross
Acie Earl
Pervis Ellison
Alton Lister
Frank Brickowski
Brett Szabo
Steve Hamer
Marty Conlon
Stacy King
Travis Knight
Andrew Declerq
Zan Tabak
Roy Rodgers
Vitaly Potapenko
Eric Riley
Tony Battie
Dwayne Schintzius
Mark Blount
Jerome Moiso
Bruno Sundov
Ruben Wolkowyski
Mikki Moore
Chris Mihm
Now if that isn't a curse I don't know what is. That's right, a dozen big white stiffs, not that I dislike big white stiffs, they just shouldn't be your starter unless you have guys like Bird, Magic, and Michael in your backcourt. Those are 23 amazingly bad NBA centers in all. Not one has any right starting in the NBA. Here's just a short run down on a few of these players. Alton Lister- When the Sports Illustrated ranked every player in the NBA for the 94-95 season, Lister was listed as last, he also had the worst overall ranking in that years version of NBA Live. That made it unanomous, he was the worst player in the NBA, and he started half the season for us, everyone in Boston should of known there was a curse right away. I can't even believe a guy named Ruben Wolkowyski played in the NBA. His career was all of 6 games long, all 6 of which came with the Celts. The highest season scoring average for any one of these guys with the Celtics is Mark Blount's 10.7 points per a game, Parish's worst season with the team he averaged more. It's been 11 years, and the most production we have received from a center is 10 poinst a game. In fact I'm not even mad about it, because that is amazing. Spanning between 1957 and 1994 they had only one of three guys go into the season as the starting center, Bill Russell, Dave Cowens, and Parish. That is 37 consecutive years with a hall of famer as the starter, and then all of a sudden this drop off happens. A huge drop off in one of the most prestigous positions in the league was at one point almost unthinkable. Think of it this way, your not goign to see Quentin Tarantino star Pauly Shore and Carrot Top in his next film, and your not going to see Guns and Roses get back together but bring Ashlee Simpson into the group and kick Axle out, so how did the team with 37 years of dominance in the pivot turn to Steve Hamer, it had to of been a curse, and the only logical explanation is Parish. The other two members of the Big Three ended there careers happily in Boston, while Parish toiled away on the bench in Charlotte and played the role of Michael Jordan's personal caddy in Chicago. The Celtics finally had a shot over the summer to bring a solid center into town, with a good amount of room under the cap, lots of trade bait with three first round picks and a superstar in Pierce who needed to be moved. Parish saw this and gave Danny Ainge a chance to lift the curse. There was a coaching vacancy left after 3 months of misery with interim coach John Kerry (Carroll.) Robert openly asked Danny for the job, and Danny declined. Now I'm sure Danny's logic was he didn't want a pothead womanizer coaching at the time, but Danny's logic was wrong. Now think about it this way, if the Red Sox had Babe Ruth asking to coach there team after he had retired, I'm sure he would of been hired, not because he was alcoholic who also womanized, but because it was the only logical way to break the so called curse. Now I'm pretty sure Parish is sitting at home, as your read this, with a voo doo doll, some of JOBU'S rum, and a bong laughing at the Celtics for signing Mark Blount to what might as well be a lifetime contract. A move that certainly would not of happened if Danny had signed Parish to coach the team. The pivot is the most important position in the NBA right now, and without a decent big man the Celtics will not contend for another title.
So your welcome Brigham's, welcome back Reverse Curve guys, reopen the bakeries break the curse cookie creators, somebody thaw out Dan Shaugnessy, because I have completely fabricated another curse for Boston fans to jump on. Hopefully 86 years from now when Mark Blounts contract is up and the Celtics sign a decent big man, there won't be riots because of it.
Super Bowl recap
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Three in four, I don't think I'm willing to call it a dynasty(more on this later, I promise) but without a doubt the most impressive football run since the early 90's Cowboys.
The Game
There was really no point playing the first half of this game. The Pats looked like a guy playing the first half of a game of Madden while on the phone, you know, just paying enough attention to keep it close. It was one of those happy to have a tie score after playing that bad type of halves. The second half started with the Tom Brady-Deion Branch drive, Brady is now to the 2000's in Boston as Williams was to the 50's, Russell was to the 60's, Orr to the 70's, Bird to the 80's, and Pedro was to the 90's by the way. At this point any doubt in the minds of Patriots fans had to of been erased. This was as assuring for the Pats as it was the ESU Wolves when Joe Kane returned in the bowl clinching game in The Program. The next Eagles td didn't even seem to matter, every Pats fan knew Brady was back to playing like superbowl Brady. I think Super Bowl Brady may actually be a completely different guy than regular season Brady, not that Tom does not play great in the regular season, but in these three superbowls he has been a machine of Terminator like proportions. He just doesn't make mistakes, he doesn't throw picks, and he systematically dismantles defense. If Brady is the Terminator of machines, then it makes Mcnabb, Rosie from the Jetsons. Mcnabb just couldn't get over that hump, couldn't put together more than a few good throws at a time, and often threw balls up for grabs like he was a drunk college kid playing a late Thursday night intramural flag football game. The ball that Bruschi picked off was such a bad ball Hot Hands Hanon could of caught it without stick 'em. This isn't meant to diminish Bruschi in anyway what so ever by the way, Tedy is a great player with the best head of hair in football, and that is coming from a straight man. I have never seen his hair out of place and never seen him suffer from helmet hair, if I thought my hair would look like that I would grow it out in a heartbeat, I got to wonder if its a side effect of the belichick kool-aid, and if Belechick retires he will patent the kool-aid as hair restoration product. I was really hoping that after the second Harrison pick they would let Vinatieri kick a field goal just for old times sake.
The Commercials
How unimpressive was this years commercial lineup? Did someone tell these companies they were paying 2.2 million dollars for these spots? And why does the marketing department at Mcdonald's continue to commit career suicide? Mcdonald's has billions of dollars which you know if you can do math, you see the signs, 100billion hamburgurs sold. Now why can't they hire someone who can come up with a decent ad campaign? They had it figured out right up until the "I'm lovin it" era, which was brutal. The Lincoln fry is absolutely insulting my intelligence. This is not funny, nor does it have potential to be. If I have to I will create a bring back Grimace petition, and I won't hesitate. Fix this problem now or I'm coming to McWorld with some serious non-violent resistance to these ads. I might even perform a sit in, or even more drastic a hunger strike.
Lays came through big time and delivered M.C. Hammer getting thrown over a fence, bet you forgot about this one in your drunken football crazed night, but can anyone really get enough of Hammer being thrown over a fence? This was one of the best moments of the whole super bowl. American Express threw in a nice one with Count Chocula, Mr. Peanut, Mr. Clean, and a qhole lot of other great former product pushers. I couldn't actually hear the commercial due to the fact my family was too busy arguing the mathamatical odds of my uncle getting beat up by an Eagle's fan (he was at the game.) But I really don't think this commercial could of possibly been bad with Count Chocula involved. The Anheiser Busch ad thanking our troops was well done. After that everything else seemed mediocre, there were no stand out Terry Tate type performances out there.
The Extras
It was pretty cool to see Charlie Daniels play before the game. Is it me or does Bill Clinton look like Woody Page from around the horn? 41 was looking quite a bit more spry than Clinton, looks like the extra term did a bit of a beating on Billy, either that or Hillary did. The Mccartney halftime was good, nothing too spectacular, but good. I think the league wanted a bland halftime. I personally felt they should of had Clinton and 41 do battle in a steel cage, in a return match from 92, this would be a halftime that everyone would watch. Fox did a much better job with this than they did the World Series, not that it took much. I was still waiting for them to show shots of Stephen King and Jimmy Fallon in the crowd.
The Aftermath
Looks like we can look forward to an offseason of Patriots dynasty talk, I'm as excited about winning three in four as anyone, but this is no dynasty. In fact there is no dynasty in professional football history. The only dynasties in sports are the Bulls, Celtics, Yankees, Canadians, UCLA basketball, and if we are counting it as a sport North Carolina Women's Soccer. Thats it, 6. This may at some point become a dynasty a few years down the road, the team is still very young offensively. Brady is just really hitting his prime, Branch, Givens, and Graham are all still very young. I don't really think it matters what happens with the defense as long as Belichick is running the show it will be one of the best in the league. The offseason will be a great break from all the Belichick wardrobe jokes. Next to Michael Jackson, Bill has been the biggest target of jokesters in recent months. I think its getting rediculous, so what if he dresses gameday's like he has a Monday morning 8 am class, he doesn't have a dress code. Your telling me if you didn't have a dress code for work you would never throw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants, of course you would, especially if your job often times had you working outside in tempatures that sink below zero in New England. These jokes are getting so bad that if you Google Belichick with wardrobe malfunction you receive 1,420 results, I think that's a sign that we need to stop with the jokes. In the end I think Belichick is going to go down as the greatest head coach of all time, he is just got opposing qb's wishing the XFL would come back to give them some job security, really can't emphasize his importance enough. I would love to say I can't wait until next season, but I think I will enjoy some warm weather first.
The blog is back with a vengeance
I think the best way to describe the blogs triumphant return would be to sing Mark Morrison's return of the Mack, but unfortunately it is not going to happen, so in my best Dana Carvey doing an impression of George H.W. Bush (41) voice, "Not gonna do it." Ok so back into the real business of the blog's return, the blog had to go away for a while due to heavy amounts of school work, but had been receiving a large number of hits before I discontinued it, so I thought while I was on co-op it would be a good time to bring it back. The blog will be moving in a much more sports oriented direction, as for what I had received from feedback seemed to be the best part of the blog. I have said before that I like to write and this is a great killer of free time, so I do this pretty much for me, but it is always pretty cool to hear someone out there is actually reading this thing so email me at
ferrari6235@yahoo.com with any comments, things you liked, or didn't like. I will make more of an effort to get a steady number of posts up here, like I said I was getting a solid number of hits in the blogs first term, so if I get good numbers over the next few month I will try and move it to its own domain. Well during the blogs hiatus the Sox won the series, and just last night the Pats won the super bowl, so I had best get this thing on the road.
