port of indecision

Lance Armstrong to be stripped of tour de france victory

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LANCE ARMSTRONG HAS VICTORY TAKEN AWAY

An article stating that the Lance Armstrong may be stripped of his 6th Tour de France title was recently published in a French newspaper. In a random check for banned substances, 3 substances were found in Lance Armstrong's hotel room that are banned by the French: Toothpaste, deodorant, and soap.

Sorry, saw that one earlier today and had to break it out. Now on to a much more important agenda. Cats versus Dogs, I hear this way too often. How can you possibly go with the dogs on this one? This is the biggest argument for them, dogs are tougher and badass. Well let me tell you something a cat can be bad ass to. Take for example a Jaguar, now that's one bad ass cat, it even has a car named after it. OK so you say well dog is mans best friend, I say noo way, and who came to that conclusion. If your best friend is a dog then you may be in trouble. Cats eat normal things like tuna fish, dogs stick to dog food, and if you feed the thing anything else, it ends up coming out of the dog on your new recliner.

How awesome is vehix, not the website, but the guy on the commercials wearing the big box. If I ever need anyone to do a commercial, that would be the first guy I would hire, the box and everything. Next time you see a vehix commercial pay close attention to this mans limitless capabilities to bring in customers. Now if Kerry or Bush really want to win this campaign, they should take a long hard look at vehix (or hix, which is what I like to call him) because if you get hix on board, then I am on board, and I am sure the rest of America is on board. In fact I am thinking of running for Kerry's senator seat if he wins the election, not as a demcrat or a republican, but as a vehix. Think about that one for a while.

Now I would like take a good long hard look at the standing of todays fast food establishments, I know I have already delved into Mcdonalds commercials in a previous rant but now I must critique the others. First off there are five fast food giants. Here is the criteria to be a fast food giant:
1. Timing, you have to be open late, like drunk hungry late
2. Lack of health, fast food places can't be considered healthy, which eliminates all sub shops, due to all the healthy options on the menus, and Jared Fogel.
3. Locations, there must be one within a reasonable distance of pretty much anywhere for it to be considered a fast food giant, which eliminates sonic, because I dont know where any are despite there continued commercials telling me to go there. Also I would like to note that at least one of the 5 giants is located in every mall in the country.
4. Commercials, must have one major ad campaign that you can name within 5 seconds of hearing the restaurant.

Ok so your 5 major fast food restaurants are, Burger King, Wendy's, Mcdonalds, Taco Bell, and yes Frank the Tank, KFC is still open. I know what your thinking, Dunkin Donuts, and your right, it does meet my listed criteria, but would you go there for lunch or dinner, (don't tell me a muffin can be very filling) no, you probably wouldn't go there for lunch or dinner, which means I dont even give it restaurant standing.
Now to the commercials these fast food conglomerates have been running, I am appalled. What happened to "if it ain't broke don't fix it." Mcdonalds I have already gone into, so I won't go too long on it, but why can't they just be like hey we arent healthy, but we give you a cool toy with your happy meal. I mean they have sold over 1 billion hamburgers, I saw it on the sign, you would think that they would know better than to go with a healthy approach. Now Wendy's is letting me down too. Mr. Wendy, official sponsor, please. I understand Wendy's is in mourning over the loss of Dave Thomas, one of the fast food commercial greats, but this Mr. Wendy thing is aweful, going from Dave Thomas to him is like replacing Tom Brady with Tom Cruise, someone might think it's a good idea because the ladies might love both of them, and they are both named Tom, but you wouldn't be reaching your whole demographic because your team would be horrible. Lets just hope Mr. Wendy doesn't soil the quality of the commercial tradition Dave Tohmas started the same way Rick Pitino tried to soil the celtic tradition.
Now onto Burger King, who is really pushing this angus burger. Now I like there approach, straight forward, not trying to be anything they aren't, but they are fooling themselves, it would take somebody of hix's proportions to move any food with the word angus in it. I dont know what angus is, but it just sounds way too much liek somethign you shouldn't eat.
Now Taco Bell, I think Taco Bell's approach, very unlike there food, is good. I think the whole think outside the bun campaign is a good idea, but I see a tough road ahead for taco bell with the baja fresh's coming out of the wood work.
Now lastly KFC, who has made no tv push for a while now, which i think is a shame. I miss the colonel, he revolutionized thinking on chicken, whether it was original recipe or extra crispy, the man could sell his bird. I see the future for KFC being dimmer than that of Taco Bell, no ad campaign, and KFC's disappearing everyday is the original recipe for Kentucky Fried disaster.

quote of the day: "I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was 1 big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that silverback's snotbox! He declined."
-Mike Tyson

Website of the day: http://www.homestarrunner.com/

posted by Southeast of Disorder @ 9:53 PM